"And she cried out in eternal ecstasy- for never before had she felt such hate and love for life."

Please pass the salt, because I can't reach across the table.
Your aunt Vida's bosum takes up one half,
and your father's ego takes up the other.
---->A poem I wrote about family a looong time ago but still like<---------

*********

Although it might not seem this way, I keep up with the gossip at my old high school.
Cam calls me continously, telling me things that keep me grounded in the real world.
She tells me the things she's heard about old friends, about John, Lauren, David, Kaleb, Tiffany, etc.
But she also gives me little updates on Christopher.

Although he didn't completely leave school, she hasn't seen him for a couple of weeks.
"So, is Bethany out yet?" I asked, breathing into the phone, as Dusty sneered at me from across the room.
"Well...you know Mr. Kingston (Chris) is living with his brother, looking for some place to live."
"Oh...yeah." I think I had heard that somewhere before.
"But the talk is is that Bethany is......well there's a bunch of talk, you know how all the girls love him....but they say that Kingston is telling his lawyers that Bethany cheated on him and that he has photographs."
I turned to stone.
"Are you serious, Cam?"
"Yeah, pretty dumb, huh?"
"You don't think she has pictures of us, do you?"
"Are you kidding? Nah, she's so stupid. Besides-she didn't know about the two of you. Come on, a student? She wouldn't ever put herself down to that level."
It's true. It would be Bethany's pride and Christopher's attention to detail that would hurt Bethany the most.
"Was she cheating on him?" I asked Cam slowly.
"I don't know! It's a rumor, man."
"How does he look?"
"Good. I think he's having a good time at his brother's. I've seem him around downtown a couple of times."
"That's good, he's getting out."
*****
I'm glad to hear that Christopher is doing better. He hasn't called me in weeks, and I think his brother is a great person for him to rely on right now. But I still worry about Kaleb.
He's been calling Dusty non-stop all morning. Harrasing him, of course.
And now Dusty's in a bad mood.
So I'm sitting here, reading books and playing Sims 2 on Dusty's laptop.

"You know, sometimes I don't understand you." Dusty said to me after the first three phone calls from Kaleb. His voice was soft and irritated.
"What are you talking about?"I responded answering in a meek voice. I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"I know that you think everyone in the world is deep and understanding. They aren't. As much as Kaleb is a friend of mine, he doesn't get...things. I don't know."
"Yeah, but I had to tell him! God, he would have asked anyway."
Dusty came over to my side of the bed and sat down. I put a hand on his ear subconciously.
"He would have asked," he answered. "But you still don't have to tell him. He'll never forgive me. You know how many times he came to me all last year and said....'You gotta help me, it's Taryn.' Jesus Christ, of course it was you! Who else could it have been? You give that boy so much trouble. And every other boy you meet so much trouble. You give ME so much trouble!"
"How do I give you trouble?"
"Just existing, I guess."
I frowned and removed my hand. "Ouch."
Dusty laughed and reached for my hand, setting it to his ear again.
"You can say anything you want to me, you know that. But to Kaleb? He just.....well. He doesn't know why after years of friendship and two years of going out..."
"I think you forget that those were two SEPARATE years," I reminded, "And both times all we ever did was fight."
"Yeah trust me I remember. I was right in the middle. And personally, I didn't care. Neither one of you was right or wrong, you just were yourselves. And you clash a lot. Your opinions and morals and things."
"Dusty?"
"What, Goldie."
"How good of an idea was this running away?" I asked, seriously.
Dusty laughed again.
"I love you Goldilocks. Don't you forget it. I love you more than anything. And I understand you. Which is something not a lot of people do, you know? Everything's gonna work out okay. God, it sounds so weird to say that. Like out of a movie or something..but we'll do some great things, I know it."
"I worry about people back home."
"Do you miss home?"
"No, but I miss the security. I mean, I liked the fact that I had my room."
"I know you don't need taking care of, but I'm gonna take care of ya anyway. Do you mind? I don't care if you mind, so don't answer. But this Kaleb business isn't good. We still want him as a friend. Apologize to him okay. Explain something to him. One of the problems between the two of you is that Kaleb expects you to explain, and you expect that you don't have to explain."
Dusty scooted down and face to my neck.
"God all the girls used to hate you," he whispered.
"Thanks a lot."
"No, it's a compliment. They were threatned." He gave me a little kiss. "John used to say that they didn't know what they were threatned of, but they knew they were threatned of something."
"My incredible beauty? My womanly curves? My flat stomach...okay maybe not so much the stomach....my womanly curves?" I teased.
Dusty laughed. "I don't know. But they're right. There's something different about you. Don't let it get away."
"I know whats different. I'm not afraid of anything."
"But I know better."
*****************
The girls used to call me 'cow' behind my back. Or 'whitey' or 'slut'.
But I translated that into voluptous, fair, and sensual.
Listen to your parents when they tell you to be confident, and when they say 'Love yourself.'
It's an important thing to remember.
I love who I am.
Even if other's aren't so fond of me!